Ghost of my Familiar

 Grief Must Be witnessed to be Healed
 Elisabeth Kübler-Ross



At breakfast, Jessica asked if we'd heard a cat
mewing somewhere in the cottage

In the bathroom, the shadow of a cat brushed my leg
tagged along until I returned my head to the pillow.

Abigail and I, walking to the vacant camp at midnight
encounter a black cat—eyes flashing moonlight.

In a dream days later, he reappears on the porch, chasing
spiders, sniffing an empty dish. His purrs stir the quiet.

When I wake, I remember a skittish calico kitten I fed last summer,
how Denny said not to, he'd only shoot her after I'd gone for the season.

Now I hear a mournful mewling and recall Frida and Diego,
stalking a brown moth or noiseless rodent in the cottage.

In Jane's dream of you, you wore a beautiful golden ring
and complained that you could no longer hear Jim's voice.

We hear you. Your laughter, sweet as those redwood
chimes sound against the span and stillness of our sleep.

What the Water Gave Me

Amy King


    About her most recent book, I Want to Make You Safe (Litmus Press), John Ashbery describes Amy King's poetry as bringing "abstractions to brilliant, jagged life, emerging into rather than out of the busyness of living."
    King was honored by The Feminist Press as one of the "40 Under 40: The Future of Feminism" awardees, and she received the 2012 SUNY Chancellor's Award for Excellence in Scholarship and Creative Activities. She organizes "The Count" and interviews for VIDA: Woman in Literary Arts and teaches English and Creative Writing at SUNY Nassau Community College.
   King also co-edited Poets for Living Waters with Heidi Lynn Staples and currently co-edits the PEN Poetry Series and Esque Magazine with Ana Bozicevic.

The Boating Party by Mary Cassatt
    A recent visit to the Baltimore MOA allowed me to bask in the beauty of Degas, Monet, Seurat, and other favorites. Impressionists' are easy to love. Perhaps a little less easy surrealist art is an acquired taste. I don't love poetry for its measured formulaic success in making a mark of beauty; I love it for the way it makes me feel. This is the same thing I love about the strange.
   I might hang a print of the painting above in my living room or use it as a palette for a color scheme. But "What the Water Gave Me" by Frida Kahlo is at times' unbeautiful,' even incomprehensible. How am I to understand the strange images that float above the bather's legs in Kahlo's painting? My relationship with Kahlo's work has evolved. And when I view it, I consider it in the context of the artist's story.

What the Water Gave Me by Frida Kahlo

   Liz Hager blogs about Kahlo's painting, and about it, she writes, "The painting is one of Kahlo's most visionary and disturbing; the sophisticated water fantasy provides the vehicle for a densely-packed portrayal of the artist's subconscious. It's almost as if she crammed her entire life into this bathtub scene. Kahlo returned to the same symbols...many of the items included here are in other paintings, some without much alteration." 
     Someone recently asked me why I love Amy King's latest book, I Want To Make You Safe. I've mulled over my response. Why do I love the strange stuff of Amy King's voice?

               Without a sex-o-nista season, the pizza is burning
               the other room down, and these cracks aren't
               as pungent as the crack the great state of Ohio deserves
               when you rock 'n' roll over; so grab your poles,
               go by the lake, and eat up to embrace whatever organ
               makes you gyrate those hips, lace those long legs up
               to our waists and turn out a turntable on this party face,
               sans with or without us, our great groaning lusts a marked
               increase in the moon's ancient pull by the top of the stairs (69).
                      
    I love it because, like Kahlo's painting, I Want to Make You Safe is a collection of odd images floating in a tub above the bare legs of the narrator. The observer is alone in the artist's head. Likewise, King's poems are dream poems. When we are in the dream, it is not odd. We don't question the absurdity. That is how I've learned to see Dali too. In magical realism, we suspend our disbelief. In Surrealism and with the absurd, we suspend our expectation of the expected and allow for the outlandish with the commonplace and other uneasy matchups. Such art forces us into a stream of conscious response. It is there that meaning, if any, is found. 
   King's voice is the body under the bath-water soaking beneath soft and hard floating images. "Hello Lady Bird/ Hola, Smashed Guitar Parts,/ I take these strings to this neck/and cut the tumor in half—love is a surgery/ in participles, pus-filled insects./Additional commands keep the planet well-heeled."
   Peculiar as the voice of I Want To Make You Safe may be. It is an accessible voice with its casual declarations, "A dandelion seed also looks for corners to lie,/so here am I/a seated tin can/with intrusive mice to lend a hand," (38) and conversational tone: "You think I am she. She is you and everyone who adjusts too well, (63).
   This book is from the author more than by the author. It revives the unconscious experience where the mind jettisons a million thoughts into existence simultaneously and leaves the reader to select, order, give attention to what matters at the moment.
   Interestingly, Frida Kahlo made separate paintings of many of her "tub" images. I also get this sense with King's poems. Each piece contains the potential for tangents and journeys. 
   I like King's poems because they are semiotic. We think we know things. Pilfer the lint of dreams,/uproot every yellow, follow stigmata for dust./We have always been the first fruit and the first to rot./We are the ones that read the signs after we bury them./(5)
   I like King's poems for their asymmetry: Ohio is equidistant from the religious saviour/I've become and the promise of America's decrepit/class. The "critique of political economy" dangles/from the arch of my hot-pants tongue. Pencil lipped,/we're left wanting what? 
   I like the feminist King in the poem, "Men by the Lips to Women."

I am the love you light yourself with
and my gender is powerless in this,
We are metered only by our own machines,
While the book is a clock that forgets mechanics.
Her hands can count but would rather wipe warm dew,
The pall from your lips and kiss the lids,
Of your eyes from sleep. Here am I, is he,
with yoke and shadow removed, she is, her in me,
apart from you, man reading men by the lips of women. (31)

   The voice of the narrator is interior. She talks to herself. Readers cannot censor this dream. This voice allows all and speaks the tongue of the contemporary god. King tells me she likes Ana Bozicevic's (King's life and work partner) take on her work that she "scats out these casual masterpieces of rhetoric, then promptly forgets where they came from, makes experiments at careful authorlessness seem funny and humorless in comparison." 
   Be assured that despite I Want To Make You Safe's surrealistic sensibility, King does not kiss to be clever. These are not facile poems. They are written in the context of a contemporary queer narrative.
I like I Want to Make You Safe because it is intelligent. King does tip her hat and in a way that reinforces what I've been thinking. One of the names she drops in her work is Claude Cahun's. (9)  Claude was born Lucy Schwob. She began making photographic self-portraits at age 18 and continued doing so through the 1930s. She took the name Claude Cahun and assumed a sexually ambiguous identity. During the 1920s Cahun lived in Paris with her life-partner Suzanne Malherbe. Cahun and Malherbe (known as Marcel Moore) worked their art together, making sculptures, photomontages, collages, and writing collaboratively.
   André Breton, a founder of the Surrealist movement, called her "one of the most curious spirits of our time. "Although she produced a huge amount of work, as well as significant writings, Claude Cahun operated on the fringes of the Parisian Surreallist (sic) movement. It was not until the 1980's that she was discovered (by François Leperlier), and soon became seen as a forerunner to queer theory and feminist art." 4.
   It is easy to draw a parallel between Calhun/Maherbe and King/ Bozicevic since both couples shared their art and lives. Both are pacesetters in their communities and both committed to art and an innate right to self-identify.
   In his Surrealists Manifesto, Andre Breton says, ""Psychic automatism in its pure state, by which one proposes to express -- verbally, by means of the written word, or in any other manner -- the actual functioning of thought. Dictated by the thought, in the absence of any control exercised by reason, exempt from any aesthetic or moral concern." 5
   And there is other evidence to support the idea that King's writing is dreamlike. Her poems feature an element of surprise. They include unexpected juxtapositions and non sequitur. Andre Breton believed that Surrealism was, above all, a revolutionary movement. Perhaps the same is true of King's work.
And there is other evidence to support the idea that King's writing is dreamlike. 
   Analyzing last night's vivid dream is daunting, but re-dream the dream and the strange is readily accepted. Amy King's poems are like that. They are not easy to understand; don't try. Instead, read them in the way you might a dream where the odd and discordant becomes part of the landscape. And then reread them closely.

A brief chat with poet Amy King:



Bluemoon Northeast: I'd like to include one of your favorite poems from IWTMYS here. Which poem do you choose today?

Amy King: "The White of Sacre Couer Against a Blue Parisian Sky"

Bluemoon Northeast: I note that you do some name-dropping in your poems. Among the names dropped are David Wojnarowicz, Tina Modotti, and Claude Cahun. These artists and writers share a solid and specific artistic identity and a reputation of being something of an activist or revolutionist. How do you see yourself in this context? That of being and artistic revolutionist and an activist?

Amy King:  I think the labels are intricately linked – there are simply gradations of each. For instance, one can be seen more as a "cultural worker" via art. But the artwork can resonate among folks and inspire action, which echoes the "activist" label. I'm quite fond of artists, though, whose work and life somehow speak similar political messages. Watch out for a paper I recently wrote on the life of Leonor Fini, an artist who never officially subscribed to being a member of the Surrealists, though her work and life certainly resonated politically and still inspire others, like myself, to be an independent agent when the group one is affiliated with reinforces /requires various oppressions.

Bluemoon Northeast: What other poets or artists feed your muse?

Amy King:   Loads. Right now, I've been engrossed with the work and lives of a loose-knit group of artists: Frida Kahlo. Leonor Fini, Leonora Carrington, Remedios Varo. And many more.

Bluemoon Northeast: What is next for you?

Amy King: I'm testing the waters of poetry still, integrating more "real life" material of the aforementioned artists' lives into this upcoming work.


THE WHITE OF SACRE COEUR
AGAINST THE BLUE PARISIAN SKY

The white of sacre coeur against the blue Parisian sky
marks passageways that blur whenever we enter this city's face.
By our bankrupt dreams, we hold out for starkness,
remember its eyes to dine in.
But I'm of little use to persons undercover, craving
in these buildings' recesses the corners of smiles,
eyes that bulge behind curtains, looking for anything
that will pull the cork, boil the blood
of displeasure tightened by the work of pleasing bosses
and each neighbor whose fence moves a little closer
each year, moaning to stroke the package
left nightly on my doorstep--of pearly liquid, bottled and tied
with a ribbon the color of fairy dust.
They, a secreted them, would have us die to erase that glow.
Mostly at the height of moon's night do her shady limbs
work across properties and lawns they guard with their lives,
whatever these are, whatever they become, however they burn.
For your listening pleasure, I turn as old as I was born,
stroke the bumpy skin of our whisky illness, manage the pyramids
we've never climbed or crawled within,
enter the Morocco never wrapped by your feet
kissing pebbles, visiting your veins, telling you mythologies
that include how we are the sores of hope riding
the backs of tomorrow, mountain peaks we climb
and shout the names of those to come and those who've been,
each of us who happens to be the world's greatest against every
shade of sky, and every sky that cradles our dying heads, still living.








For Michael



I'm always borrowing grief, a cup of sugar.
This is the neighbor's grief, not mine;
the neighbor's cup. Let me take that sure
walk through the rocky meadow down
to the place next door and return it.
I've not seen you in so long. What
should it matter that you are gone?
It is not like I'll need to fill up the space
left by your absence from my day.
I can't say when last we spoke or met.
Yet, your loss is keen and bitter
as some bad root that no amount
of sugar will temper. It burns into me.

Ten Suggestions

The Goddess came to me and suggested that I write these TEN SUGGESTIONS down. (That's her yelling, not me.)

1. I'm your mother; all of life passes through my vulva. Worship whoever you'd like; I'm still your mother.

2. I like sculptures of anything; stars, earthly animals, Poseidon himself. Life is art; imitate it.

3. Call me anytime.

4. Nothing is holier than today.

5. Your parents are exhausted.

6. Death is inevitable but not permanent.

7. Sex is a sacred private gift.

8. Give things away.

9. You know what's true. 

10. You are my favorite.

Song of Worshiping a Dark Star



At dusk, there is nothing but the thin bird’s call
but the fungal,         the man who meditates on
the mountain      the woman and the masseuse
There is nothing but       this tree, this green ink
 These numbers the woman              chants out
the still windmill in the distance,               nothing
draws my attention draws
 in a breath.               It is what I have said here.

Nothing is missing in the   white space evening
sky bends to fog.     Nothing feels like the fuzzy
edge. I run a fingertip along       the mountains
and the horizon.                    Nothing is that color.
Nothing is autumnal. It falls from the gnat’s wing.
Nothing is                the retro-red stove burning
 in the clunky        lodge of awkward wood and
 rough sawn people.                 Nothing repeats
like beans.       Nothing is my center,
my pink sky.                  Nothing dwells in the gut
 with heavy boots.   The pachyderm in the womb.
Nothing the cook tells the wife. Nothing
 is that bird          flat upon the glass
is different than those bird-droppings.
Nothing is different. Search the hands-the lines
 of them-the veins of them,              their soft
wrinkles to find nothing.    Lift the telephone
receiver where           nothing burns the air
that fire of white                 which occupies
 the cavities, the small spaces between toes.
A spoon scrapes nothing from the pot.
There is that singular tree in the distance,
taller and more symmetrical than
 other trees.                      The Tree of Nothing,
 no bird nests in its barren metal limbs, no
leaves twirl away from odd branches,
no cell division in its core.       Nothing
transmitted,  at least. It looks like nothing
to me.                                 About you, I can
 say nothing,                           nothing at all. 

Who Are You?


1.         I am the funny one, though dark-humored: lover of bittersweet chocolate and salty chips. I am the mother: the one who’ll soothe your tears.
2.         I am the neighbor who grows roses and will poison your dog. I am the one yammering on her cell at the bus stop. I am the girl with clicking heels echoing in the long hallway. I am the liar and the cheat, the one who left you alone.
3.         I am the lonely one. You don’t understand. I will not join your meditation group or walk to town with you. I am the one with the wrong shoes. The one who will clear her throat loudly in beloved silences.
4.         I am the rose. I am the high winds on the island. I am the morning light that beckons the birds to awaken you with their song. I am the rocky coast welcoming the salt of the tide. I am the fish, the mite, the swan.
5.         I am the darkness and the sand in your food. I am the stillness inside a lost memory. I am the thing that grips your beating heart and sucks away your breath. I am your heart’s desire.

Ruby

This bit is the product of a creative exercise intended to help the writer think differently while creating. We did an hour-long free-write wherein our facilitator called each of our names every few to several minutes, and the called person would call out a word that we had to incorporate into our writing. This is my result. I cannot recall the words called out except for more obvious ones like a hotdog and root beer. We were also given a prompt that I do not remember.

               Once upon a time, a ruby-throated hummingbird was building her nest on the branch of a silver birch tree. First, she gathered feathers, cobwebs, and bits of algae to soften the bed for her babies. Then, she whirled about in a hummingbird-hurry, working on finishing this project.
               Spiders tumbled, and Ruby's personality was such that she fretted and worried over her nest making. Eggs were imminent, and she hadn't even eaten half her weight yet today. Her fuchsia breast pulsed with every beat of her heart. And her mate who was nowhere to be found—was of no assistance in these matters—and now thunder rolled overhead. She flitted to the Rose of Sharon for some lunch and noticed a wee fairy reclined on a nearby toadstool.
               "What Ho!" said Ruby, but the fairy, looking rather glum—her affect as flat as a pancake—said nothing. In fact, she acted as if she'd not heard Ruby—
               "Say! You! Fairy!" Ruby called again, "I require some fairy assistance!" Still, the fairy was still. Until a tree toad came along. He tiptoed carefully, intending to startle and perhaps capture the fairy with his hotdog ways. But, Ruby lit down and slid her narrow beak under the fairy's wings—lifting her and carrying her off to her newly made nest. Still, the fairy was still.
               "Perhaps I'll have to take you to the witch for a diagnosis," Ruby mused, "the witch has all the knowledge there is about fairies, and she'll surely know how to cure you!"
               "Eh," said the fairy.
               "What's that?? Come again?" said Ruby.
               "Eh," said the fairy.
               "Listen here, Ms. Fairy, I haven't even eaten half of my weight yet today and, as you can see from this lovely nest…eggs are imminent! So now snap out of it! I need you to conjure me some fairy—blossoms."
               "Eh," said the fairy glumly, raising her glum arm, and voila, buds of lavender appeared all along the birch branch.
               "Thank you, thank you!" said Ruby, "you passed that test!"
               Ruby became so excited she flitted from blossom to blossom to sip the nectar she found there. But she did not notice the swarm of bumbles approaching. Nor did she see the lizard whiling his way up the trunk of the silver birch, his long tongue licking out into the air as he neared the doldrums fairy.
               "Hey," he said, "Que Pasa Fairy?" Upon which, Ruby plunged at him and pecked with her pointy beak.
               "She's my fairy!" But, Ruby insisted, "We've got the same ancestors, and I'll thank you for taking your scaly self out of here!"
               "Chill out, sister! That's the dullest fairy I've ever seen! You think she could conjure me up some flies?"
               "You will not sabotage my nest," said Ruby pecking at him three times until he turned tail and headed slowly back down the birch tree trunk. Now the fairy slept soundly in Ruby's nest—or was she dead? The quick-witted bird wondered, and so she landed on the little fairy's knees and trembled until the fairy was shaken awake. The fairy looked about in a daze.
               "Where'd that butterfly go?" she said.
               "I'm not a butterfly," said Ruby. "I'm a hummingbird and have imminent eggs, and you must fly out of my nest now!"
               "Have you got any root beer?" said the fairy.
               "What is root beer, dear?" said Ruby. She flitted again from flower to flower, nipping an intermittent gnat from the air in a frenzied manner. Suddenly the fairy perked up and groomed her comely wings until they looked pretty dapper. And she flew away.

This is the Accompanying Note from a Map to a Mystery


1.    When you go, go alone.
2.    Two weeks before you depart, on the night of a new moon, place five grains of sand in your palm and sleep with them pressed against your cheek.
3.    Do not be disturbed if the sand has seemingly vanished by daybreak. This portends good things.
4.    The sand must be from a rocky shore, and you may require a magnifying glass to count out just five grains. This is vitally important. Any less, and you will not sleep. Any more than this, and the gods may take displeasure at your greediness.
5.    Wear shoes made only of natural things—this may be difficult and expensive, and you may have to make the shoes especially for this. If you must have shoes made, try to retain the services of someone from the Sioux or Navajo Nation—barring that, an excellent Italian shoemaker will suffice. But say nothing of your intentions. Say only that you need shoes for a wedding which is not a lie. You’ll discover why this is so when you arrive.
6.    On the day of your departure, eat no seeds and drink only reds as if you were unclean and starved for some quenching sangria.
7.    On this day, if you happen to be in the company of a newborn, a virgin, a homeless man, or some other sacred being, you might want to reconsider your plans and leave on the next half-moon instead.
8.   Be sure to wash your hands and feet before your departure.
9.   Take nothing with you.
10.    Be silent. 

Followers